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| Captain, My Captain
“Here’s your three hundred pesos for voting the right way,” the barangay captain told the fisherman. “And a San Miguel beer for drinking through the right hole, amigo. Cheers.” “Salamat, sir,” the fisherman answered politely,. “But even if it goes in the right hole, it always comes out the wrong one.” He drank from the glass and filled it up again before putting it back on the table in front of the captain. “How’s your family nowadays?” the captain asked. “Seems like we family men blink twice and suddenly the babies are having babies of their own.” “Well you know I’ve got only a small family—four kids. God has been good to us, and we are all healthy.” “I’ve seen your older daughter Mary around the village. What will she do when she finishes high school this month? Does she have enough money to begin college” “God has been good to us. We’re not worrying too much about tomorrow. The best education doesn’t come from books. It’s taught to our children by how we live our lives.” “Very profound, Socrates. We can’t all afford to be philosophers, y’know. Somebody has to live in the world the way it is, not the way we want it to be.” “Well salamat for all your help, sir. Our family sends their regards, and appreciates your support.” “I could help so much more.” “You are doing what you can.” “That’s not what my wife says! She needs more help, she says. So why don’t you send Riza to us as a ya-ya for my kids? I know she’s a good girl. I trust her and she’s great with children. Then I could pay for her schooling.” “Sure sounds good, but I’ll have to ask Riza if she has the time.” “Alright amigo! It’s a deal. And don’t forget to vote.” “Yes sir.” “This beer is going right through me. It’s time to practice some more trickle down economics against the tree outside.” The men laughed together, and the captain disappeared out the door of the bar. He wasn’t lying about needing to urinate. He trickled down more than before, and worried that his problems went beyond any election. They were right there in his hand. Before the last few drops fell onto the leaves below the tree, he felt the comforting and pleasurable shivers run through his body. That was the only fun he had been having with his once-potent sex life lately. Maybe Riza could help with that. |
| Rocky Times |
| November 9, 2007 |
| He felt for his wallet. At least something at his beltline was bulging. How much better to operate wholesale, like his cousin the Provincial Governor. Cuz received $10,000 in a clean, white envelope from the Palace last month. He could afford his pick of any pretty girl, and eat whatever he wanted. His zipper was barely up before another voter, salt of the earth and foundation of democracy, approached the captain with his hand out. How much better to operate retail, though, than to dig in the ground, carry water and heavy loads like a carabao, or risk his life on the ocean for a few smelly fish. He thanked God for his luck, and handed over another three hundred pesos with as big a smile as the nagging fear centering in his groin permitted. |
| Mayor Duterte of Davao |
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